?

Log in

No account? Create an account

November 2011

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930   

Syndicate

RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com

Previous 10

Nov. 3rd, 2011

More than normal, that's for sure

I'm standing on the edge of cliff
There's people screaming behind me
Don't jump, Don't jump, like they can save me

But my mind's made up, made up
That I'm jumping
Into the unknown, but I know

This was meant to happen
I've been standing on the edge
For too long, too long
Waiting for them to push me

But it's time to stop asking
What could be

So I'm taking this step
I hold my breath and count to ten
I can't imagine what will happen
If I hit the ground
So I'll just my wings
on the way down

Jan. 2nd, 2011

(no subject)

I don't remember feeling this way
the last time you left me
All those nights, I didn't think about you
I never though they would catch up to me
But I've been beating myself down
and I can't let myself turn around
This is unlike I've ever known
I just can't let go

Days like the following have never
befallen me
Keeping me up at night and drowning me slowly
I can't understand all these thoughts
in my mind
But they all point to you
they all point to you

I make you promises I'll never tell you
I believe in love only because of you
There's nothing I can think that could take me away from you
Every time I set you free
You remind me that we're meant to be

Aug. 8th, 2010

(no subject)

I feel like an alien. I feel like I don't belong. It's not just that I'm different, it's that I can't move past my differences. I have become so alienated from my generation that I can't relate to anyone my age. It's the worst feeling. I feel so alone. I feel as if there is no one I can truly talk to that can nod their head and mean it. There is no better word than alien. I feel as if every other people is speaking a different language that I don't understand. They are all part of a different culture that I can't grasp. I have made myself so infinite and free that I have cut myself off from everything that makes me normal. I wonder if I've doomed myself entirely.

Aug. 2nd, 2010

(no subject)

Life is so peculiar with the choices it gives you. Everyone is limitless, infinite, but yet, we are all so stunted and held back. I can't help but look back and wonder how I stumbled here, to this spot in my life. I wonder how I navigated from one home to the next. I shudder to remember how roughly I was thrown from one life into another. Only now do I realize that I was thrown from that life, not because I was disliked or had done anything wrong, but it just wasn't where I belong. That road would have taken me away from my greater destination, and though it pained me, still pains me, I respect life for the gifts it has presented me, for I'd have followed that road until the end of time and ended up a miserable, disappointed, lonely woman. But it does hurt. It hurts to wonder, to ponder, to remember. It hurts to think, to wish, to hope for the best. It hurts most to question if I was right, and if I were, why must it feel this way. Though I am contented I am upset. I am upset by these complications and every day they haunt me. They haunt my thoughts and my daydreams. Why must I remember the good and not the bad? Why must I see the fondness before the fright? For someone enlightened as myself, I am blind and I am crippled and I am broken. I am broken and I am damaged goods and every so often I venture back and hear the cracking of the door frame and feel the shaking in my whole body in that cheap, rickety chair in that cold, quiet room. But remembering those pains reminds me of what I've gained. It is a painful process, but I will survive and I will grow. I will succeed.

Jul. 26th, 2010

(no subject)

It's so weird how you just stop writing songs and you don't hear the music for months.

Maybe if I learned to play a useful instrument, this would be easier.

Mar. 23rd, 2010

(no subject)

I've never felt this way
As I watched you leaving
It's like a fire
it ignites and I feel it
There's something different
in the way that I see this

I can't help but write it down

When you're gone, I'm alone
I'm so different
When you're here, I'm alive
And you see it
There's something changed
in the way that I'm feeling

I can't help but figure it out

I've got this funny feeling in my heart
but I can't tell you
It's kind of scary and insane
I don't know what to do
I'm having trouble holding back
when I see you
I can't hold it in much longer
I can feel my heart getting stronger

Usually I'm fine when I have to
watch you drive away
This time is different
something's telling me you've gotta stay
The time is racing but
I can't wait another day

I want to scream out loud


I've got this funny feeling in my heart
but I can't tell you
It's kind of scary and insane
I don't know what to do
I'm having trouble holding back
when I see you
I can't hold it in much longer
I can feel my heart getting stronger

Maybe
It wouldn't be so scary
If only I didn't want to run
I could sit you down and tell you that
I think you could be one

I've got this funny feeling in my heart
but I can't tell you
It's kind of scary and insane
I don't know what to do
I'm having trouble holding back
when I see you
I can't hold it in much longer
I can feel my heart getting stronger

I just wish I didn't want to run
I want you to know that I think
You could be the one

Feb. 6th, 2010

(no subject)

I sit down and recount the mistakes I've made
I'll write them down on this very page
the list isn't long, but there's some things I've got to say, ay, ay

All the times I left you hanging
All the nights I left you standing
I didn't tell you my heart was disbanding
and I regret not telling you the truth

There's something in your eyes
I swear I'm scared to find
There's something in the way you speak
you read my mind
But there is something more beneath the hurt that you hide
and it's found it's way into this heart of mine

Oh, no, I can't let you be mine
but oh, no, I can't leave you behind

For every time I faked a smile
For every day I would fake asleep for a while
For every step I took I'd let you walk a whole mile
to get to my heart

Nothing all together could sound any better
than I'm sorry, I really am
And nothing but her weather
could make you wish you never met her
But I swear I'm sorry, I really am

For all the mistakes I've made,
For all the moments that I didn't stay
I swear I'm sorry, I really am

There's something in your eyes
I swear I'm scared to find
There's something in the way you speak
you read my mind
But there is something more beneath the hurt that you hide
and it's found it's way into this heart of mine

Oh, no, I can't let you be mine
but oh, no, I can't leave you behind

Jan. 18th, 2010

(no subject)

Ben Holley, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your fleeting presence in my life has given me a LIFETIME of songs.
You are just amazing.

Thank you for being such a worthless fuckup.
I could just give you a big wet kiss!
Or just write more songs about pathetic losers like you.


:D

(no subject)

There was something in your eyes
I longed to see
A flicker that seemed to burn
when you looked at me
It was fleeting but what I saw
I can't forget
It's burned in my memory
under stuff I just don't get

You were such fucking faker
How could I not see?
You were simple, mad and useless
you didn't need me!
Afraid of your own feelings
why'd you bother with me?
I never want to see you
It's time for me to be free!

I should have seen it coming
but I just couldn't bear
To let it all go suddenly
I just felt something there
But that something wasn't real
you played me for a fool
Now get the hell away from me
Don't look at me when we're at school!

You were such fucking faker
How could I not see?
You were simple, mad and useless
you didn't need me!
Afraid of your own feelings
why'd you bother with me?
I never want to see you
It's time for me to be free!

How could I have thought to love you
was I just unaware?
That you were far past broken
There was nothing to be spared
I should have left you there in pieces
but I know I could swear
that I saw love in your eyes
but there was NOTHING THERE

You EMPTY, BROKEN, WORTHLESS JERK

You were such fucking faker
How could I not see?
You were simple, mad and useless
you didn't need me!
Afraid of your own feelings
why'd you bother with me?
I never want to see you
It's time for me to be free!

(no subject)

Today I took your picture down
I left all your clothes out on the porch
I will forget you now
This is the last time that you will
break my heart, I won't be
stuck in this rut anymore
I can make it on my own

I know you don't care
you've said it a million times
I will rid myself of this whole affair
'cause I've had enough of this
heart break, forget my phone number
I won't stop, I won't go under
you won't ever see my face again

Our times may have been better than the rest
You had my heart
I always gave my best
but you were just a flake
and it's time for me to say
my good byes
I'm stick of your sad puppy dog eyes

I know you don't care
you've said it a million times
I will rid myself of this whole affair
'cause I've had enough of this
heart break, forget my phone number
I won't stop, I won't go under
you won't ever see my face again

You say this doesn't change a thing
we'll just come back to everything
we can't give up on all we've ever known

But I will tell you I'll be the first to go

I know you don't care
you've said it a million times
I will rid myself of this whole affair
'cause I've had enough of this
heart break, forget my phone number
I won't stop, I won't go under
you won't ever see my face again

Previous 10